Today is Sunday in the January of 2021. The day I was diagnosed with tennis elbow was two weeks ago, and that was after two weeks more of pain. This has lasted for about a month now.... The last time I was able to draw was mid December. I was able to squeeze a Secret Santa, that was it.
Saying that making through this without any worry nor concern would be lying. Of course an artist that can't draw would worry about never drawing again. Yet, I have faith.
My future doesn't stop here. My artwork hasn't fallen.
This is something that I've been battling.
It's something that doesn't make sense yet all the same falls into place. It's complicated to see it like that. Though I think some of you may understand. For my friends who have sat by me during my dark hours, I thank you. For my family and might as well be family, I am ever so grateful. Support from followers and Friends alike have been stepping stones in this recovery.
Wow! You would have thought I was just cured from cancer from that speech.
But I digress... heh..
My ideas for artwork hasn't dimmed. I have so many visions of artwork I want to create. Someone told me to keep a notebook and jot it down. But, I'll have it in my head and I'll just smile. Not because it's so kewl but because I was able to. Then I'll move on to the next thing.
Currently I'm looking for a full-time in my area.
Becoming a full-time artist will have to be another road.
A part of me felt as if I failed. That everything that I worked for didn't matter. That no one cared. Yet those are the voices you have to silence. Otherwise you are in a revolving door of how worthless you are. I've been there. I'm there and here. What makes your value has to be you sometimes. Someone close to me said a really powerful sentence. Someone that recently became a good friend.
"That sounds like a lot.. "
When I moved out of my house and into a new home/state I was prepared. Granted, I hated how much stuff I wasn't prepared for entirely. I did have to reorganize what I packed like twice (still have stuff I wanted to bring) I set out to go on a certain date. We were able to plan out the holidays a little bit. Et cetera. When I introduced myself to this gal, I told her about what was going on. That I had a plan to reorganize and become full-time artist.... She compared everything and said that sentence. And it made an impact I didn't think possible.
All of a sudden.. the world fit.
A new place, a new state, a new city, the new house-- all that became my new home.
What I didn't see was that I had set my expectations way too high. To me, it was obvious that I failed.
"I should have posted more."
"Would ___ have had better results?"
"If I could just stream more..."
Shoulda, woulda, coulda... As the phrase goes.
What I want you to take away from this, dear reader...
..is the mistake that I've made here.
It's tough to place it. Even tougher to admit it.
It can be a lot to handle.